Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
