I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
