I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
