i think i have two assholes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
