We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
