He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
