R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
