remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize