She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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