R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Alive.
So much puke
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
