When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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