You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
