well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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