I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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