i need an iv and a liver transplant
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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