I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
