that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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