Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
