never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
