I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
