There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
