i think my mom watched the whole time
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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