he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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