If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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