I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
this will be a night to untag.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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