I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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