you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
