Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize