There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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