I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was born a porn star she said
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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