worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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