can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
