well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
