He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
