so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
