I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
