all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is it penis luge time yet?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize