I swear she didn't look like that last week.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
