Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
