I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
