When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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