Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
