Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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