I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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