somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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