He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize