he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
