She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
