I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
