Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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