did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cannot find my penis.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
