You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
