Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
