dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
