I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
