I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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