theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Randomize
