I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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