hell yes lets make some ravioli
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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