If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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