I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize