Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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