If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize