my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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