i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
