So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
