There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
