it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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