guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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