i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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