oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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