He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We got so high we made milksteak
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
