I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
