I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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