The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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