i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
