Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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