I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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