i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize