i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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