How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
