I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
your room smells of hookers.
And success
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
