you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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