she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Let's paint friendship bongs
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
