Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
