Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
