So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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