just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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