Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
