i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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