I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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