Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
