So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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