he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is Oprah even human
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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