I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
True strength comes from lack of pants
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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