and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Alive.
So much puke
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
