How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
