I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I accidentally had phone sex last night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
